I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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