I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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