I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I want to be your penis for a week.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
