And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
