Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
