Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
