it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
