saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I need moral support for this bender
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
