So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
