I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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