dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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