Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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