I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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