I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
