Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize