my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize