...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
