We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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