i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
