i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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