i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
