She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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