God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Boobs speak an international language.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
