Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
