I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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