matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
