question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
