I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize