oh god the rape fog is back!
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
