ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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