i permit you to call me
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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