my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
