Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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