That's intense
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize