my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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