he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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