Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize