Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
God I need to hump something, right now.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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