Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
