Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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