thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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