I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
