Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
