we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
