all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
