people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
