She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
