so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
