I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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