Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize