This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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