apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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