I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
