What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
