just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
