God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
bring money and cleavage
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
