Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
