I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
