Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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