hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
