one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
