i jhust puked up my retainher.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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