do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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