when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The best revenge is premature balding
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
