So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
