I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
