I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
