i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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