dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
false alarm. still invincible.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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