dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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