went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
