Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
