So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
