even my farts smell like vagina
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
