So drunk its hurt
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
