did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
