You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
