I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
