i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
