i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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