I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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