i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
