life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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