The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
