First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
