break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I've blown a few things in my day
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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