I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
