Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
