I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
