He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
