omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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